Trans in Engineering -
 Coming out in the Nuclear and Energy Sector
By Amanda Susan McKay

I have worked in the engineering sector for most of my career, leaving university in 1984 as a mine engineer. I’ve worked on some of the most complex and large-scale engineering projects across the world. I spent 15 years as an officer in the Territorial Army and 24 years as a Special Constable in North Yorkshire and then Cumbria. So in August 2013, when I came out to the world as Male to Female Transgender and changed my name to Amanda, it came as quite a shock for many people.

I always knew from an early age that I was different. But being a child of the 1960’s and a teenager in the 70’s, it was hard to put a name to it or even talk about it as Google and even access to personal computers was many years away. The difference I felt, made me question my gender, my sexuality, it led to a great deal of depression, anxiety and at times I struggled with life in general, most put this down to teenage angst. I dabbled with cross dressing and felt at home being able to express myself as a female. The first ever photo of Amanda was at the age of 19, a selfie with a Polaroid instant camera. In my early 20’s whilst working in London I attended the only gender clinic in the UK, and they actually told me what my difference was, for the first time I was able to understand my difference and it had a name, Gender Dysphoria, the distress of the mismatch I felt between the gender I identified with and sex assigned at birth.

Dealing with my gender issues in 1985 was hard and I decided to fight it, I could defeat. Besides, transition in the 1980’s was very difficult with little legislation to protect an individual and working in a very male dominated career, I felt it would be impossible to continue in a career I loved. Until transition in 2013, I kept my gender issues and to an extent my sexuality, very much in the closet. I presented a strong male image, an engineer working in construction and tunnelling at work and volunteering with the military and then policing in my spare time, a keen model maker and with some strong views on many things.

My first venture into Nuclear was with a specialist contractor, we worked on the reactor installation at Sizewell B. I have moved from tunnelling and mining into specialist heavylift, project logistics and offshore engineering. With this organisation I travelled the world and worked on many spectacular projects and some very impressive nuclear construction and decommissioning work. Being busy both in my career and my voluntary work kept my gender issues under wraps. No time to dwell on it, but being in the closet is hard, keeping my authentic self under wraps took its toll on my mental health, leading to periods of depression and anxiety, mood swings at times suicidal thoughts. Whilst I loved my work, I was always restless and seeking greater challenges and this led to moving employers every 5 years but each time this led me to new opportunities, and another rung up the corporate ladder.

I continued to work in and around the Nuclear sector and construction until 2005 when I moved to a new public sector organisation working on the UK Nuclear decommissioning programme, a great job. It led me to relocate myself and my family to Cumbria. I was in a senior role with the Special Constabulary, but my gender issues were very much on my mind. I finally realised I wanted to, needed to, transition and be my authentic self. Living and working in West Cumbria, I was acutely aware from my policing that hate crime and prejudice towards the LGBT community was strong, even when the Equality Act of 2010 came into force providing protection to Transgender people. I did not feel that I could safely transition living and working in the Nuclear sector in Cumbria, even with a public sector organisation. My worst fear was having to leave a job I loved and a sector I was passionate about. Coming out of the closet was going to be hard.

My desire to transition was very strong and equally my mental health was suffering, I made a decision to look for another job where I could move to a more accepting place, a different sector, and close to a gender clinic. In 2010 that opportunity came to move to a new role in Scotland leading Quality and Business Improvement for the Major Projects business of one of the big 6 utility companies. Moving to Glasgow was a real culture change and I found the city and its people to be very accepting and friendly. My new job was equally demanding and challenging as my previous roles and I adapted quickly to living in Glasgow weekdays and Cumbria at weekends. In 2011, I started my transition, still not out to the world but in the gender clinic system. I was rediagnosed with Gender Dysphoria but now also with a diagnosis of that I was born Intersex. This helped me confirm I was meant to transition.

By 2012, I found myself leading a double life, weekdays I worked as Martin and on evenings I was living as Amanda. Weekends were a mix of time in Cumbria at home as Martin and time in Glasgow as Amanda. I was still leading my Special Constabulary team in Cumbria but in Scotland as Amanda I was a Trustee with an LGBT Charity and also the National Trans Police Association rep for Scotland. Life was becoming confusing.

In August 2013 I came out to the world as Amanda, my authentic self. I changed my name and wardrobe and after a long holiday, I returned to work. On preparing for transition I tried to project manage everything like a typical engineer and quality professional. However, there are somethings you just can’t manage that way, transition is one of them. Top of my list of anxieties and risks was how the change would affect my career, I’d seen a number of Trans friends who had transitioned late in life to lose not only friends and family but also their careers. My employer had little experience of dealing with transgender employees and the transitioning at work process, there were no policies in place and no LGBT+ network to refer to. Thankfully, the organisation was willing to learn.

My transition at work was uneventful to say the least and my colleagues were accepting from day one, being in a supportive environment helped my confidence grow and for me to be myself. Being out of the closet and free to be myself, not having to worry about my secret getting out allowed me to be more productive and focused on my work. I felt renewed, almost re-born and wanted to move on with my career, but I also felt I had to prove I was just as capable as I was pre-transition, so I continued to carry out rope access inspections and travel overseas to conduct supplier visits to demonstrate that Amanda was just as, if not more capable than Martin. In 2014 I sought several internal promotion opportunities and could not understand why in most cases I did not receive an invite for interview, on seeking feedback from senior management was informed that supporting my transition was as far as they were prepared to accept a Transgender person in the organisation but I would not be supported for promotion, It was a shock to suddenly feel discrimination, and fear that my career was at risk.

In late 2014, I was approached by a recruiter to see if I was interested in a move back to the Nuclear sector. They were aware of my transition and wanted to put me forward for a senior role, whilst I really did enjoy my job despite the attitude of senior managers towards me, I felt it was time to move on. Throughout the recruitment process my trans history was never mentioned and I genuinely felt those interviewing me were accepting and interested in my skill set and knowledge.

I joined my present employer, Balfour Beatty, as the Nuclear Quality Director in February 2015, working in a sector that fascinates me, on some very complex and innovative projects. I was a little apprehensive my first day back at the gates of Sellafield, the last time I visited the site was as Martin, picking up my pass in the pass office was an interesting experience as the records still held my old photo, I was asked if I wanted a new one!! I never envisaged I would be able to transition and continue working in the nuclear sector, and being able to live and work in a community which 5 years earlier had seemed so hostile towards the LGBT+ community, sometimes perception is not reality.

In my current role I’ve worked on many UK Nuclear projects and with a number of industry wide initiatives, I’ve always felt accepted and able to be open about my past and my transition. I am a keen supporter of diversity, equality and inclusion within both the Nuclear and Construction sectors and have seen a great deal of positive change in the last few years. This includes other members of the Trans community confident to come out and be themselves, long may it continue.
 

• Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Alfredo Carpineti and I’m the chair and founder of Pride in STEM. I have a Ph.D. in Astrophysics and I work as a science communicator and journalist.
 

• What made you decide to create Pride in STEM?

Pride in STEM started as a marching group for Pride in London. We didn’t expect it to become the organization that it is today!

Back then, to march in the parade, groups needed a little page and a description about them, so I decided to create one with my husband and some friends about being LGBTQ+ in science. We were surprised by how quickly people got in touch asking for advice and resources. This made us realise we could do more.
 
We started collecting information that could be useful to other LGBTQ+ people in STEM, linking with other groups, and we even managed to organize an outreach event as part of the Stonewall season. We had several people advising us to become a charitable trust, and so we did. 
 

• Before starting Pride in STEM, what was the state of LGBTQ+ tolerance in the STEM industries?

I would say that starting Pride in STEM was not something momentous or revolutionary. We were part of a zeitgeist of many different groups focusing on tackling the many barriers we continue to find in the STEM field. Groups like Out in STEM in the US and LGBTQSTEM in the UK were already working successfully on their respective projects.
 
The only anecdote I can think of was the mixed reactions in a talk after I mentioned that my husband had designed all the absolutely stunning cosmic animations in my slides. I was simply so proud of him. A taboo was broken for me. If it was the “gay thing” or the fact that I was bringing my personal life into a serious talk, I do not know, but since then I always bring my whole self into my work.

The different aspects of my identity do not live in separate little boxes.
 

• How was Pride in STEM seen when you started? Did it face difficulties?

I would say, we have struggled more as we got more popular. You would not believe what established and famous professors in this country and abroad say about us. We often receive streams of insults for days on end, which concerns us when we promote other accounts, since we don’t want to direct abusive online trolls to the wonderful people who collaborate with us.
 
The weirdest, and, in retrospect, funniest attack was a campaign started by a group of transphobes who tagged universities and international organisations telling them to stop funding us.
We are a small and completely self-funded organisation so none of them had ever given us any money, but we made some good contacts from it!
 

• What is it about coming out or revealing your gender identity in STEM that makes it different to other industries?

I think that in STEM there is this wrong idea that the only thing that matters is the work. It’s a claim often repeated that if you work hard, it doesn’t matter who you are. This is only true if you are a cis straight white man from a moderately well-off background.

Underrepresented groups are constantly facing hurdles. When it comes to the LGBTQ+ community, surveys show that people are ostracised, harassed, made to feel like they don’t belong, and are advised to stay in the closet in order to succeed. Things are much worse for people with intersectional identities from multiple underrepresented groups.
 
We need to break away from the idea that people in STEM are ‘just’ their work. You work better when you can truly be yourself.
 

• What is the role of Pride in STEM? Are you more for individuals or for companies?

Our goal is to support and showcase the LGBTQ+ people working in STEM. We have plenty of individuals helping us do that, as well as the occasional company who sees the benefit in supporting their LGBTQ members of staff
 

• What can you tell people who might be shy to join or take part Pride in STEM

That there is no rush to join us, and that they shouldn’t feel that they must. As I mentioned, many still hate us for who we are. I believe our work is necessary, and that the more visible we are, the more we talk about our issues, the easier it will become.
 
But being visible is a personal choice that comes with personal risks, and most of the benefits are for the community. We can’t ask anyone to do more than they can. Every person in our rainbow community has their own journey.

If you are shy or worried, I just want you to know that there is no pressure from us to join us. We will be there for you if you need us.

by Marcia Ore
 

I look back at my life, all aspects of it and I have concluded that I have always been attracted to women more than I have men. But like many individuals, I tried hard to be ‘normal’ and ‘fit in’.
As a girl, I was very much a tomboy and my Mum clearly found my lack of femininity challenging. I recall at around 9 years old, having come back from the park with my hair a mess, my white ankle socks an unattractive grey colour and the dress I had been wearing ripped at the hem, her proclaiming “ I could have sworn I gave birth to a girl not a boy”.
My parents migrated from Jamaica to the UK in the late 50’s and it would be fair to say my father held particularly strong views about same-sex attraction. This was even though one of my Mum’s closest friends and fellow nurse was openly gay. Dad liked him and his partner but…!

In my teens I drifted between a group of boys, playing tracking, football, climbing, the brook with them in the local park, and then to the girls, listening to Radio 1 countdown of the Top 20, reading Smash Hits, Mandy and Bunty, and trying on make-up which never suited me as wasn’t made for black skin tones. At 16 two young men showed an interested in me, neither of whom I was interested in at all. I knew instinctively I was going to have to start showing an interest in the opposite sex beyond the massive crush I had on the American singer actor, David Cassidy. I was drawn to his long hair and feminine features.
Between the ages of 17 and 40 I dated men, married three of them and had two children, however on two occasions I met women I was strongly attracted to, but did nothing. When my third marriage broke down in 2007, I did a lot of soul searching and decided to explore a side of me that I kept trying to ignore. Two years later I joined an online forum for lesbians and discovered lots of women, my age and older, grappling with their sexuality as I was. I no longer felt alone or that I was the only one having these thoughts and feelings, and it felt good to be able to talk to others.
 
I decided to date women, but first felt I needed to be open with my children, who were in their early to late teens. They did not have a problem with the direction my life was going in. They just wanted me to be happy. I was nervous on my first date deciding if I did not feel comfortable then this void I had always felt, was not because of my sexuality.

Coming out was interesting. Suddenly, the lesbian community within the Police Service I served in started seeking me out and talking to me. I also realised I had little or no knowledge of LGBT+ history and culture. Steep learning curve followed particularly as the LGBT+ community was not welcoming or inclusive to my difference. In fact, hostile on occasions and it was not because I was gay!
Stonewall UK (2018) survey found that 6 out of 10 Black LGBT+ people had dealt with racism within the gay, bisexual and trans community. Their Chief Executive said ‘This research gives a worrying insight into just how serious a problem prejudice is within our community…LGBT people of colour are excluded and face stereotyping from their white peers. This leaves BAME LGBT people feeling unwelcome within the wider community.’
I lost my closest friend, best friend, of over 10 years when I came out.  Wow, that hurt. Surely, I was more than my sexuality. With male colleagues suggesting that the change in my sexual orientation was my due to my failed relationships with men. What helped me to cope with a different form of discrimination and prejudice was my experience as a Black Woman and a Black Female Police Officer.

So where am I know? I met my wife Donna in 2010. We are very different in many ways. She has always been openly gay. Correction: acknowledged her sexuality from an early age, but when serving in the military was legally not able to be ‘open’. She is white and had never dated a black woman. She gets me and I get her.
In 2014 we entered into a civil partnership with just my two children present. However, in January 2017 we got married with select group of friends and family celebrating with us. This is the longest relationship I have ever had, which speaks volumes.
 
I have acknowledged the final piece in the jigsaw puzzle that is me. With all the pieces now in place and fitting perfectly. Authentic me. Uniqueness of me. I am no longer pretending, denying, or hiding who I am from me, and that feels good emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. I am at peace with who I am and those who are uncomfortable with me!!!
I will close with this quote from Alice Walker, Poet, Social activist, and author of The Color Purple (1982) Meridian (1976), and The Third Life of Grange Copeland (1970):

“The animals of the world exist for their own reasons.
They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men.”
 
 

This year we celebrated Building Equality’s fifth birthday, with over 50 construction companies, contractors, consultants, industry bodies, clients, and architects involved across eight regions in the UK. And we continue to grow.

We have hundreds of people who volunteer their spare time, working tirelessly to create an LGBTQ+ inclusive industry for all. This year alone, we have developed a UK-wide online knowledge share and collaboration series and a virtual social calendar, which has brought together over 650 people to explore pertinent LGBTQ+ topics such as trans inclusion, as well as delivering CV workshops, hosting bingo, quizzes and baking competitions, plus much more.

We have organised our own virtual pride event, ALT. MCR Pride, and collaborated with Inter-Engineering and Pride in Property on their virtual pride events. We won the diversity award from ICE North West for our Toolbox Talk and poster campaign and we continue to produce resources, with the Allies Toolbox Talk coming soon. And all whilst fundraising for LGBT+ charities such as Terrance Higgins Trust, The Proud Trust, LGBT Foundation and LGBT History Month.
 

ALT. MCR Pride was just one of many online initiatives ran by Building Equality since early this year. Due to Covid-19, lockdown restrictions and social distancing all our plans were thwarted, the rule book was ripped up and we had to adapt – and quickly.
Over the last 5 years, Building Equality and our members have come together to celebrate pride in cities across the UK. We didn’t want that to change. Physical events may have been cancelled, but that didn’t mean Pride was.

So, in the absence of physical pride events this year we created our own virtual pride – ALT. MCR Pride. It was a way to enable the construction, engineering and built environment to come together and celebrate the LGBTQ+ community whilst also providing education to empower and progress LGBTQ+ inclusion in our industry.

ALT. MCR Pride showcased the accessibility of our industry to LGBTQ+ individuals and other minority groups, helping to shift the industry culture and build more inclusive and understanding working environments.
We may not have marched, but the LGBTQ+ community in our industry was certainly visible!
 

With physical pride events cancelled this year, it has taken us back to the real and original meaning of pride. Togetherness, unity, and community. We have reconnected with our grassroots movement, grassroots organisations, and grassroots charities. We have realised the importance of standing together as one.
 
Virtual pride events have enabled us to reach audiences that we haven’t been able to reach in the past, we have been able to include those that haven’t had access to pride events previously. It has provided us with the opportunity to be intentional about visibility and representation across our entire community. We have been able to provide platforms for the voices that often go unheard in our community, to elevate the most marginalised.
These virtual events in the midst of the pandemic have reminded our community that they are not alone. They have facilitated the re-connection of our community and our wider cause for equality.
 

These are clear and real problems that need to be addressed. Statistics like this show construction can still be a hostile environment for LGBTQ+ individuals and more must be done to create a wholly welcoming and inclusive industry for the LGBTQ+ community.

This is why virtual events like ALT. MCR Pride, Re:Engineering Pride and Pride in Property are so important. And why networks like Building Equality must exist. So that the LGBTQ+ community can come together and have a support network.
By embracing LGBTQ+ people and tackling LGBTQ-phobia, organisations and the industry will see improvements in engagement, staff retention and productivity.