Prologue

                                        

                                                  

“We're sorry...”
Those were the words of the surgeons who took care of my father till his last breath. It was just two words. But it's already enough to make my whole world crumble into tiny pieces. 
I was sixteen years old when I first learned that love was something you don't look for just because you're lonely. It happened when I was still so innocent about life because all I ever really cared about was my next outfit for our group meetings.
A bit fascinating to remember how I couldn't even understand people's heartaches and troubles because I have everything.
Still young and naive, I've been trying to live maturely because it felt like I lost everything. When I first heard the news of my father's death, an earthquake impared my senses. My whole system got disrupted. Literal na gumuho ang mundo ko at nawalan ako ng balanse sa lahat ng bagay.
If I had known he would leave me sooner than expected, I should have used the chances I'd taken for granted. Sana mas ipinakita at ipinaramdam ko sa kanya kung gaano ko siya kamahal. Sana mas naglaan ako ng oras. 
Because thinking about how I was just containing my love for my father by reasoning out and making excuses, I realized how terrible of a daughter I am.
Nonetheless, I still lost those chances. Regrets still happen at the last moments. But because of that I changed. Before, I didn't even give a blink for a single ant. It was just after that painful tragedy that I occasionally, or so I say from time to time, I become an attention seeker.
A while back, I preferred doing everything alone. But at one point, I started feeling like I couldn't... I'm a bit materialistic, too. And that's normal for a teenager at my age, but when Papa died, I realized the importance of money. And that I shouldn't splurge to the extent where it's unnecessary. 
Well, I can say, I've lived too recklessly.
Kasi tatlo lang naman ang pinakaimportanteng parte ng buhay para sa akin. First, you fall in love. Second, you experience pain. Lastly, you die. 
I easily fall in love and I admit that. Because I only look for three things: looks, intelligence, and good personality. Who doesn't fall for looks in this day and age? I'm not a saint. I'm not special or unique. Like the others, I fall for good looks too.
The second one was negotiable. As long as he's not a crazy head, I'll like him even if I'm smarter than him. But the third one isn't. If he's not someone I could stay patient with for an hour because of his rude manners or foul mouth, I'll never like him. Even if he has those two things, but he fails on the third one, he's out.
Ako yung mabilis ma-attract pero mabilis din mag-give up. Because at that time, I wasn't really sure about everything. I was just riding the flow of life. I was calculating how things would go. Parang hindi pa nangyayari, ina-anticipate ko na. If I think it won't end well, I won't hesitate. I quit.
So when he came up to me and smiled, saying he had never seen such a beauty before his eyes, I was weirded out of him.
He's the most sincere and ideal type of guy I could ever met and he's got all the guts to win in life too. I can see that. That young man will always see the days brightly as he always does.
Like his smiles and overwhelming charm, he lighted up my dim world like a firefly in the middle of the night. It's not much but he's all that I've got during those moments where I only think I was so lost.
Though I already got everything I needed in my life, I was stucked in a dim cage, imprisoning myself because I'm afraid the world will hunt me if I ever go out.